Friday, 15 February, 1953

HI

I forgot to read the topic. So, I will just tell you about my sday. Today, I woke up and masturbated for thirty minutes. This shit is fast. I ate my own cum.fsdafsdghsdfgjklhsdljsgksdjfgkl;dsjgdl;sfkgjdsfl;jkl;fjgffdgkldjfgkdfjgdkfjgdfkljgdflkgjdlfkjgldgjg

fuckskdskd

MCGROGOG

Doyle vs. McGregor. The fight of the centurly. centurly fight of the decatesdfsdf. Lol idk. fuck you duckdsfjlashglas;jg;asljkfl;askdfjasdl;fjsdlkfjThiese two men will have sex on stage and will suck myu cock. I'm bu gy gay everyone hoohohohohoho

fuckskdskd

SGOLDEN SHOWER

Roger Rogbinsons is building a ginormous dick in our city. He will use this to take a piss on the very top. I think this will be a great oppoertunity for our citixzens to live in a town where we can all have a urine fetish. pronu pornhub.com/ fetishsdkfjslkdfjskl;fjs;lgjsd;jksdf;gjkdgfl;kjdg;jk

fuckskdskd

BROKOLI

Broll. It's all nthe news this day.s Well, after trying this new bvrocoli for my hair in the past few weeks, I can derfinitely say I am recieving 1000x more pusspuss in my dikdik. They love it. you put it in your pubes and their mouth will get stuck.

fuckskdskd

HITLER

mistakes are essential to life. that's why this dubm shit itdea by this douchbag called the "backspace" is a freakckadoodledoo ing joke. As hiteler wonce dsaid, "There is not white people in aftirica." nooooooo. This will never take off. Goodbye, peace, Za dom Spremni.

fuckskdskd

SECX

the banging yesterday was very loiud and sexy. no worries we were just sexing. there were only 200000020020342347289347892047012 casualties in the cum im going to go mastrurbates now. thx. love you. happy sec ahhhhhhhhhhhh how do i stop this. ????????????????????????????????????

fuckskdskd

PLS HELP

wir oke thos is a bit weird i vcant use backspace rip help me plesase what i s this music I am bvery scared i just want backspave to work please help poh god fbi openup I am scared why cant I iuse capital letters SSSS whelp plesae I am trying to learn too type faster byt this isnt really ghelpiong me wiuthotu the vackspace if youd dee this call 911 please

(aasdfklja dsadf

SQUID SEDUCTOIN

Last weekend another shipping liner was pulled to her depts in the Artic Ocean off the coast of Norway. The joint opperation of Nato and russian milatarymilitary ha has seen the deployment of submarines to hunt the supposed giant squid that are behind these attakcs. We however beliv believe h that this in s isn't the best approach, instead we should make a mechanical fa female giant squid to lure te the culproit out, and then we drop a nuke in the ocean, ending the squid forever.

The Count

GF

In today's economy, ther are many people who are out of a job and need others to state helping them out by doating to the local charity. Those who are struggling suggest that the local chruches set up a food frive doe the people sho are ledd fortunae . In toher news, the sticl markey

Troy

WAGE STAGNATION LEADS TO DOOM

This countries eneonmy in turmoil as more markets fall below the national average for this time of yeah. Further developments in the mining sector have put further pressure oth the government to do more to help out the lower wage earners.Uniones agree and will contue to pressure.

Tim



Leaked document from the CIA have been forwarded to this neswpaper by a member of the publoic. While details are hard to come by the heavily redacted documents point to some shady dealings between the current government and the counrties primary spy agency.

Tim

TO KURT COBAIN.

It's about 7days left to meet the 20th Febuary, whcih is the day when the rocking roll star Kurt Cobain died. We miss him so, so much. If he were still alive, he'd bee like 52yuers old then, pretty unimagined huh? About myself, Im the same day as he was born. Im becoming 18 this yuear, 2019. WIh Wish myself a good ending and also a new start.

Felicity

TURNUP HECTOR TURNIP

The local psychic Hector Utr TUrnip has once aginagain for the 3rd time in a row , put an innocent man behind bars. He is now ud under fire from the hgenreal publix public and even some of the yound younger polic poi police officers who haven't workd with hi hu him in his hay day. The olfer older officers however have adamantaly defended him, due to his 100%success rate before the accident. We think he has lost his powers ever since and as such must be dropped from hte the precint.

Kekeke

THIS FUCKING GAME

a new kind pof beetle has been found in very near street of our locality .so people need to be very careful my mind has been vlblown ourt by the news yo thei s these motherfuckers habe have been creatinhg this fganm game where i cant even wt write what the fuck i want . this biy

rupesh rai

NEW PROCEEDURE TO BECOME PURPLE

Ever wanted purple skin, ever wanted to look like widowmaker? ofcourse you have and now with Dr. Fratelli 's new proceedure you now all can. It's a simple solution where you're drained of all emotion and bathed in tub of purple drankfor three weeks, give or take. Please be noted your butt will not be ass big as wideomaker.

Junkrat

FREEE MY BOY SIXINEENEINFIEN

This afternnon, a robbery was held, but liuckily, our hero, a preacher was able to stop them and turn them over to the good side and repent their sins. what do the nation think about this. and when will they free my nigga six nine bruh fuck all these FAKENIGGAS OUT HERE BRU FREE MY NIGGA BOY DSIX NINE FUCK THI S JOB I JSUT WANT SIXNINE

fuck you

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Cool Guy

I'M OGOING TO GET FIRED SO I WROTE THE WORST FUCKING ARTICLE I EVER WHROTE FUCK BLACK NIGGERS

i'm about to fucking get fired y boss isadflasdfadsf adsf adsf adsf asd fsad fasdf asd fads fads ffuc kfuckf ucjfk cufkc uf ckfj ufsaf asdf dasfa dsf adsf adsf dsf shit shtis thsit hsit fuck shit bitch fuck nigger hang black niggers from that tree outside fi fucking hate black niggers n ads fasd fads fads fads fadsf ooga boogga i hate black niggesres black nigger black nigger nigger niggger nigger nigger nigger nigger fuck fuckf uckfuck shit bisthis htishsthi sthis thisi sthi sthishit fuck shit bitch sfuck shit bitch fuck ass nigger black onkmon asdf adsf adsf adsf adsf adsf asdf ads fads fas fasd fads fads fasd fads f sdfa sdf adsf adsf dasf asdf adsf fuck black monkey ass niggas

Cool Guy

EAT AND DRINK MY URINE OUT OF MY PEE HOLE

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Cool Guy

I REALLY HATE MY JOB SO I'M WRITING NONSENSE TO MAKE EVERYONE MAD AT ME

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Cool Guy

SOOWOO FREE6IX9INE SCUUUM GANG FRE E BY FREE MY BOY 6IX9INE FROM PRISON HE AINT DO NOTHING WRONG SCUM GANG FR WE OUT HERE IN THE STRETETS BOBBY SCHMURDA AINT DO NOTHING WRONG

Some kittens arrt a szoo wera rener asdfdsf asdf adsf adsf adsf ads fadsf adsf ads fasd fas fasd fda sf adsf adsf asdf asdf adsfadsfadsf adsf asdf dasf adf asd fads fasd fas d sdf asdf asdf asdf sdf af asdf asdf asd fadf adsf ads f af adsf asdf asf as fasd f asf asd fa sdf adsf adsf adsf sad f asdf adsf

Cool Guy

ASDISOOWOO 6IX9INE GANG FOR REAL OUT HERE

Some dude named i don't konow is so strong that he can break out of cuffs that when police. THey try to catch him but he just rbeaks out of his currffs and he just dcannot be caught at all by the cops or anything anymore but it's okay because hes not too much of a threat tou our society but that's arigiht

Cool Guy

MY BOSS ISN'T GOING TO GET ME A RAISESO I'M WRITING A REALLY SHITTY THING

some fucking idiots said they saw bigfoot. What a fuckin g blindsighted fucking dumbfuck like, do they not realize that bigfoodt isnot fucking real like a what a fucking fucker,. Anywy, my boss is oging to fucking likk me for not writing what i amsuuppposed to be rwriting but atthat is okay to asjfsod

Cool Guy

MY BOSS IS GOING TO FIRE E FOR HTIS

We celebrate the death of this weird dog that died at the age of 18. He passed away this morning at the age of 18 when he foolishly fricking died like some dog would usually do but you know that's not my business. Anyaways, onto another topic, my boss is ogoing to ifire me for not doing my drjop right on time sot his is a terrible mistake on hits a a a a a a a a a a a a a a aa a a aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa a a a a aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Cool Guy

SOME DUDE BUILDS A SKYSCRAPER INSTEAD OF HEALPING PEOPLE

Some dude named roger is apparently building a 350 million dollar sckyscraper and this dude will not share any of his money towards treating those who are the uh. Victims of war right, so he just spends $350 million dollars on a skyscraper what a dude who is greedy not right bro that' s not cool :)

Cool Guy

SOME IDIDOTS TEENS DO STUFF POLICE DO NOTHING ABOU TIT

bruh ok so there's these teens that are doing some wacky illegal stuff right. So you assume that hethey would be arrested but no. They're still on the loose soemwhere in this terrible country that is doomed to be tdestroyed mbty some other country because they declared war on us like a stupid idot

Cool Guy

OPINION ON YOUNG PEOPLE AND DRUGS

Young people should be able to not have access to drugs, for the effects of said drugs are too extreme. It will damage their brain and prevent them from being fully devoloped. That being sad, it is not alright to have drugs for young people. only people who have the minimum age requirement should be able to have drugs.

fTony

SOME IDIDOT DECLARES WAR ON US

ThE President of Beigzeria has cdeclared war on us. This is not the best thing as there are many who could die and thwe hate the persident of that stterrible country for he has murdered several of your people and maybe will kill many of our people and hundreds of thousands of those epoe

Cool Guy

theres a guy who lost hsi mind due to dying ause he dstupid and he suk bootycheek so he suck a lotlmao how do i get done with this fdslkjfeiojreioajiojdsiofjbaby shark dooododododdooddododododododododododododododododododooddddddod

fTony

ADFASDFSDFASFBRUH

uhh what the heck am i suuposed to write here but i think it is supposed to be about beetles or soemthing arcross a city somewhere or something and they are flying i think but i am not too sure about it i might make some mistakes typing this stuff but you know that's gtoo cool for me

Cool Guy

POPOKMALER

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gronda

YOUTH AND DRUGS : DO I HABE YOUR ATTENTION YET ?

Youth. What can we say aboutit. We all wish we were uougher. But combined wiht Drigs ?The hell ? now that is a winning combination. It is hard to frown upon being young and taking drugs. What 46 year old would trade his bitamins ands creaky joints for tha shot at bieng 17 and with a line ocke at his disposal ?

asdf

BEETLES RE-UNITE

In wsest india, there has been an enew specises of beetle found. It is a racarapce something that has an iridescent hue to it. THere are 3 known varients ,all havbing curative effects on those suffering from tuberculosis. You will see FSDA testing starting early may 2020.

asdf

ALI A

fwait bwhat am i suppose to wriyte about oh qwell i will just write about mys life.Hello there my name is william bobis jr the third i enjoy eating chicken bfreast :) yes and also enjoy watchinh sunsets.i ear rape people i hate so dont make me hate you .Or welse i will ear rapoe you with ali a somng'

jhonny jhnoyy yes papa

SPACE

The cia has been sending out importned messages.Tihis imorinat message states"we will soon come the the pklaxe called planet earth" everyone peleae tell everyone you knoe>.We all need to be prepared before the aliens abduct jhis us ,.B

jhonny jhnoyy yes papa

CHICKENS

what happned after the chicken crossed tghe road well we knpw now he died oh no we dont have enough chicken know because the chef killed them all this is badd if you wangt to help you hve to give your soliac security nubmer to help the chockens in bneed PLEASE WE NEED YOUR Hlp

jhonnyjohnnyyespapa

SHE WILL BE EATEN SOMETIME LIKE DOGS

write wirte only humans can eat dog meeet or can teyno because asians eat frogs yes they do i find it vey intresting but we also eat dofgs lgds;lfkjgsdlk;gklh;fdsbhjfklh;fkhlh;lghshtijytijiohr sorry i rage wquit goodbye ahhahahhahaha asafd oh hi i m back i only eat qchicken with fsjfl;sjfsdf

jhonnyjohnnyyespapa

M

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ryoma

SKYLINE OR DIELINE?

International bisiness man RogerRogerson is realocating to our town. Why? I can't remember, but I'm sure you will. Something about a skycscraper. What effect will it have on our skyline? Im' not sure wither. Maybe one of you readers can tell me. I know what kind of effect it'll have mon my skyscraper. Amirite?

HarryTihts

DON`T LEAVE HORSE SHIT EVERYWHERE CABS!WE HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS WIT YOUR BULLSHIT AREADY DEAR GOD!%

a masive amount of horse dung has been seen roaming around the streets of aour humpble sicty and town. horse and canb services is certaininly not what me whatbbd jbd hsndbhchdbdbd hshbdd bdhdhd hjd not what we need in this town i belive it is unsanitary to be seen with horse shit everywhere ohhhhh the humanity

;liliana

BEJANGLES WE WILL ALWAYS O ALWAYS ADORE YOU!

bejangles was such a wonderful dog and was such nice company to be around. befgangles was such a wonderful animal and would nver hert anyone he was so caringa nd its such a trgedy for a dog of the agee of 18 to be tooken away from us so soon. the local favourite dog bejangles will forver be in our hearts peace and love man peace and dog

;liliana

TIME TO FACE DEATH MY FLEE BAGS

this week alone a lot odf elderly citezins are and have been working themselves into the grave and mostly likely their grave. i fidn this before my life even exists that it id this is such a drama and such a tradgedy i beluve taht this may be a concern to most people and i feel elderly people shuld not be working this hard all the time overa;ll

;liliana

FUCKING AW........

makes your hair even more water reisistant than the regular stuff!!!!!!!!That old junk can go in the bin! I'm hungry, i should probably get some dinner. woozle wazzle???? what's the deal with airline food?qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq

fartface

MY PENIS IS ONLY 2CM LONG

More kitten news you've got to be kidding right. God I hate my job and my life i am just so done writing about kitten news and jernalist. if I wanted to write about such stupid things i would just posts things of a new website i found my space. the news ias is becoming a joke you wait. soon the news paper will just be filled with garbage like what you are reading now. this goes out to my lost child if your reading this they have b me captured. i'm staving they just want me to write kitten articles. i can feel the end coming I can feel all the bad choices i've made in my life that got me here. typing away at this blody type writter. PS the spelling mistakes are code to where they have me locked up. please son. Please find me you don't havetha that long. UGH OW EE OUCH

Mr egald

BEETLE BLINDNESS, MORE LIKE COMMUNISM!Ü

A new type of beetle has been found that may have curative properties, but some researchers say that it may cause blindness. I have never seen a bigger attack on the freee market in my entire life. What doesn't cause pblindness these days? Soon you'll tell me that masmoking doesn't help my cardiovascular health or appearance. Let me tell you folks, this is all a bunch of ballony. The communists just want to deny all the great gifts of capitalism with their 'concerns' and 'reservations' . If I didn't smoke, I wouldn't look half as p[retty as I do today.

PatriotBillyBoner

THE AMAZING DRATINI ESCAPES AGAIN!

The stupendious BerryDratini is at it again. He's escaped the police over and over again, and I for one am thrilled. The last thing this city needs is another rich person feeling safe. These over prevlieged oppressors deserve to love under the same conditions us working people have to deal with. Every day I'm dying of fear that my yacht might be stolen, or that my gated community might be invaded by dark skinned nieghbors. All hail our heroes, stalin and lenin.

ComradeJim

DOYLE VS MEGREGOR

Doyle and Mcgregor anre neck and neck in the poles. Both Doyle and McGFegor believe in screwing you and your children over and selling them to the chinese, but at least McGregor will legalize weed and free the dindus. Vote for McGregor or a you are a filthy homophobic racist who hates women. MeGregor for president.

ComradeJim

PK HEY EDITOR S YOU ARE THE GAYUEST FAGS ON THE UNIVERCE HI ALEXANDRE

hi yo u are a gay ass faggot and suck a hbutthole and are a noob a t rocketleague and tyou are a gay saass gay faggot and can go die in a holeand you are a sucky ass boring stlutand should go dei in a hole you fag ass cunt and go dire wolf is tarash aat fortnite and i suck too becaue

lalexander

GARBAGE MEN DEMAND GULAGES FOR THE KULAGUES

The reevolution begins here comradesQ.The garbage man has finally realized his potiential and demanding equal rights!soon we will be up to our wasists in all the accumulatied filth. The garbarge man will look down at us. We will say "save us" and he will say "No". We had a chance. We missed it. Now we will lived under the rules of the men that used to pick up our tarsh. All our privelege will be used as a weapon against us. Our soft unsullied hands will be our downfall. Thanks Obama.

ComradeJim

BIGFOOY

Bigfoot was seen to day in the vecinity of tha the local moall. A One of the eye witnessess says he was 18 foot tall and had some green sking, covered by bright blue hair. All the people that have been around and claim to have seen the creature agree with the woman. If anyone elsa has seen the creature, please contact us because we had no witness to interview and I had to make up all those that you have seen higher in the page. Thank you

ello

DED DOG

EEEEy We all know Bejangles, right? Well t i if you do I have somd sad news for you. Today he passed away, at the age of 18. We all shall celebrate his long and joyful life, and in his memory, we shall shit on the streets of the city, like he used to do. I think this is the thing that would make him most happy.

ello

HORSE OR HUMAN SHIT?

Hore Horse shit is everywhere in the city! Why is that? Well, you may have heard about the new complamy that transports people around using horses, that is called Horse CComplany CO> WEll, making a simple guess you can say that the hourses that they use are causing the shit to pup up on the streets . May be it is human shit from all the opeople that are scared of horses! who knows?

Cosmeen

FROGS ARE GAY

So, we all heard about narwhals. But what about their tusks? Did you know that they cause cancer to all the frogs that are located in the sea? Well, that is scary now, is it? Whe What can we do aboout it, ou adk? Well, we can let the Big Company Co. take care of them for us! They can harvest all of them and leave us free of gay frogs!!!

eyy

''

This week there have been 500 alien sitings. Most of them being in lasvegas,Nv . Today we saw a ufo or a unidentified flying object. Batman's baterangs woud not work so we had to call super man and it turns out he is alreaduy friends with the akliens.SO this is what happened today

Bob Dave

DFGSAG

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gsfdg

PRESIDENT OF WHAT?

The drug problem in america is catching up to us . Amma casperian says it's a big deal. Truprefuses to do anytnhing about it despide being the president of this whole damn god forasaken country thats a lot ti take in. as prescrition drug prices reach sky high the government fear mongers about opioids coming from suouth of the border. the real criminals are in washington and at the head of pharmasutical companies.

Maasai

A[SAD[ BEAUTIFUL[ NIGHT[ STOTYRY

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debroglie



YALL should love jesus more beacuse he sent a saviousr today to stop an armed robbery. Micheal j bsdjhf a preacher at doolonga county church apprehended the couple of thugs after thaet they attempted to rob the bank in djsjdj district and succedded in converting them to christanity. Well donre

ddingus

KIDS SUCK RIGTH???

Childern They sucjk right? Well here is one o more reason why they suck just in case you wernt convinced t before . A man is sueing 11 kids for raidning his ice-cream truck i thuink idk but yakonofe thats cool but kisds suck right just sue e all jdhsuidhks for the love of god this thing

ddingus

REVIEW OF THE GOO

Today we are reviewing the new broll hair gel. Said to make your head totally watert resistant, beutiful and most of all oilly. What more could you ask for in a product. It is currcetly selling for 99.99 and for that price how could you say no? Well for one you might not have hair but thats the miniority.

ddingus

DEAD OLD PEOPLE

The news today was disharetenting three elderly poeople dead pebeacuse the goventment are asses i guess idk i forgot thr prompt already plz dont fire me. Any wy this was disgusting why do the elderly have to suffer? Thats what the story was about right? Well anyways viva le resitance

ddingus

ALIENS?

when today people found strange transmissions comming from cia headquarters the only logical conclussion was that they had discovered an alien race . Attempting to communica6te with them they sent out a series of worlds that roughly translate to what yopu see here. "Why wont you come over?!?!" That is all for this new thx i guess

ddingus

NARWL TUSKS TEH ABSOLUTE BOMB

Narwhale tusts are the just the best , says Jessica alobot of the Newyork Times YTeh are something amazing and special and not tomention they are deliciously underpriced and the are also supposed to help with getting the wood up, wind wink if youu know what I'm saying.

Tarick

THE CALAMARI CATASTROPHE

IThe best way to take the squid down is to fire a harpoon ion it what do you mean fire a harpoon? Well you want to load the harpoon with a sandwich and then you fire lalalala it hits the squid and when the squid is harpooned you get acalamari and that is delicios, darn I misspelled.

Tarick

IU

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THE COOP TIMES OFFICIAL

FUCKFUKFUCKFCUCFUUFSDPA

fuckfuckfukcufuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfcuk fuck fuck fcu fuckf ufkufuckfukcfuckfuckfuckfuckfucukff piohefuiphfeweiaprhnipaffjpeirufepiopfuckfuckfuckufckuckfuckufcufcukcfkufcukfcukukfcukfcka asass ass ass ass asas sklassdfnsasdj;f;nao'feraf cunt damn fad suipfhadspuif shit

THE COOP TIMES OFFICIAL

FUCK

attention our god fearing people we have news important for you it seems that kids now days are usd using f drugs! crazy right i dajdpsajfpad? this is not good aner [eraji[oiogjr[aeroagjva[jo[aiojeriojaijefwllpgikgerioasvjruiofheuiearhfvnuiaeererjiggü

THE COOP TIMES OFFICIAL



Mr buckingham is invetninhing a new type writert that allows the user to back spave and that is a very bad idead idead idea that ihfh apfjerpeft that would never take off iopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

THE COOP TIMES OFFICIAL

CIGARETTE POLLS ARE NOT TRUE

Results from the near cigarette poll show that 9/10 doic doctors agree and claim that it improves you r oral health and attractyivesneedsss jfsdiopfj attractivneess. but they could do some harm as someone smoked tha them and now he is the ugliues guy in sh school pfksdokf erk. your in eternal dissapouoiiopmkk

THE COOP TIMES OFFICIAL

J

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THE COOP TIMES OFFICIAL

NUCLEAR TESTING SHOULD BE BANNED

Menzenhower reportede last night that ht the bang we heard was nothing but harmless nuke teste testing but this could be harmful in a way because re radiation could infex infect our nex generation. we need to stop ny nuclear testing for good because we might regret it in the near future v and as alwas remepo rmr rememper to stay awsome bro fist

THE COOP TIMES OFFICIAL

.

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mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmsmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

KIDS ARE DOING CRACK NOW?!

could kids be into crack? no they arent because kids cant get crack because who would be stupid a enough tio seel to serll eafeio[jf[weriofjeraio[ to sell a fdasfj[erasio[iogajreio[iogvbaji[orfgv[aer[crack to kids >?dfasdfp ohiardgh[oa

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KITTENS ARE DEAD

people are demanding more kitten news but really what are so suppose to do leave crimes and important news for kittens? really? i need a be break because this is tooo muxh mucjhfahdsp her[erqferap[f[eraerjh[iogherah[oi please help my dyinbg familly ioae[f

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmsmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

GARBAGE MEN NEED MORE PAY BECAUSE THEY ARE GARBAGE, NO REALLY YOU SHOULD TRY MY JOP

our citys garbage collecro collector s demand something that i dont know. but i will sureley i men sure ly handle it so my i coffe muf bled that ink and i cant see what the ayr are demanding but , it siuafheaeuipfehap it is okay cause i will make it up dsfopüopkopfkodk odfsok okay so this is not okay they said we have got to get more pay

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MAN TAKES 11 CHILDREN TO WORK

good evening coop times it appeart the ht that a man is taking 11 childe children to court after some vandilism he is wrong kids dont hold the responsilpoipoi for it anyway i cant stop him or support him but my porsi pesp ps personal opinion is not supposed to be said but i think that the kids done nothing wrong

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmsmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

THE CIA PLANS TO USE BUGS A S WEAPONS

breaking new s the cia is now making an ultimate weapon the mosqito is it so powerful no it too powerful it is over powerd it is our nations biggest weapon because we can send it to them and make them carry the virus to them which is a genuis idea. our cia is still trying to find a way to deliver them without risking getting sick.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmsmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

pka pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

jhon denver

IAEUAGHAERUIPFHVPRUIPASDFHCASDUIPPDFHASEUIPFHDRUIPADAFP[HERA[ERUIOAFHRAERUIPHAERG

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Bad boys new source

UIPGGHGL

A new beetle is sdo powerful it can eat oil wiythout bilene iahafpuiaeruiphp9eruia9hfwepafeugbrperh[fvfvjhre wepef p[fh ew weh fpioerhferuiph rfruipqe rrpiqh r ruiphrfh rfafui f er rfpsdgrpgp er r e urepiher piugerhferipfhripaheraufrapfhaieafjeruiopeiopfh h er uherhuhfhu eruip

Bad boys new source

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fcuk cf fuck kfioasdfjerioa[fjfjrjoi[aerioa fuck fuck fuck you ouououoo uojkfkiofjjio[efj d fuck you in your dick hole io ahh wafoivoi[gvjh[oigvbajibo[a[oj you crappy cunt ldfof[gerajgoaerjio[gaejr[ofgidj[ i hop e

Bad boys new source

CIG VENDING MACHINES ARE SEXY AGAIN

be breaking new s laf ld ladies and gentlemen our landlord want to d remove a cig vending machiner ant thatjia fqwerijo[ghqerh[[erioaqrjio[' an d thaath tuafpihehw fewerpa iaghaupirag is bad pfijre[oafj[o becauser okasf[jiaso[fjaero[i[eroije[eiofefio[ venidning machingef are sexy

Bad boys new source

FUCK YOU EDITOR YOU LITTLE SHIT

fuck you editor you are nothing but a peice of shit and i hope you get fuvked by a shark and a ipiferipjh[erio[gp[ifo[erojfiower[fcjaiso[fjqwerio[fj i w ]a­kporeko[jk[erer and me specialy me i will fuck you up you ioaaerjfj[ifaeroj the fuck you say to me you litylerapio fjerio[ajrio[fjerijo[ferj little shit

Bad boys new source

A BRAWL IS SURELY BREWING

A bral is surelye brewing at the old pun pub 5 stars wich results u in 432 3299$ woth of damage because o it was so lit thios ihs is so sasd aiosdffjao alexa dont play anything because ii am tooo sadsofjioeriajgo[ierjgio[eag sad to listen to despacito becauseif jao e f[oi i am sasad i need to feed my dfa fs;off; famuifpaeuipsqwerfhequiouiofghawei

Bad boys new source

THREE PEOPLE DIE FROM OVERWORKING. THIS IS SO SAD CAN WE HIT 5 LIKES

Breaking news some old people at 3 worked themselfes so hard they went to the grave this is sos sad alexa play despaxito any way what we have s to say is stop bulling and dont overwork your self because it is nood got period any way we need better writers for this jop because i alone cant handle it

Bad boys new source

IT WAS NOT THE MAYOR'S FAULT!

the mayor is in trouble oh no well he is our mayor and we need tio respect nonetheleess so please dont hate on him i am not being paid to cover the story because our news sources are very relibe you know trutworthy and stuff so our wayor us a good guy no matter what dude i live

fox

THE BREAK DAY IS MY FAVOURITE DAY

so THIS is what i am talking about everything is slow and it s very good for poor people like me ;( please help me any way the dead line is always so fast and it really angers me but now it is very slow see no typos no meaningless words none of that good stuff because today is my brake and i really like it this way and i think it should be like that everyday! very cool v e r y cool coop times thank you for your caring and if you use other news sources then you are poor and probbaply don't have any brakes haha brakes like cars wow. any way the deadline is not moving guss i am just goonna type as long as i want because i can and i love to for all eternity that what you would feel if you wre working in the coop times.loser

fox

TYPE WRITERS THAT USES I MEAN USE SORRY CANT BACJSPACE WHITE INK IS A BIG FAILURE

so they made a type writere that make s the backspace a possible trhing please give it to me this is for thepfhqer fpehfupirfhpuiaefafhaeruipfhruip the better ihuuipahfp iudhpiufvfvhipdfh and i need it to be inventedd now fijdoasjfjioafjfoiefji its uses white ink by tge way]ü

Let polly do the writing

TEENS SHOULD DO ILLEGAL STUFF IF IT HAS BENIFETS

it appears that local teens are doing a some illegal stuff and it is goood there is no problem and the police shouldn uiinfeifejhrpepfejhafjifopaeojf interfere becayuuuhfdsaupi psfadhduipsfhjfh because that is conmpletyley normal teents dfas[ioj f[oisa to illegal stugff

Let polly do the writing

SKY SCRAPPERS ARE EVEIL

an interanational busnieesemen rtogers blah blagh is building a 350$ milliopn sky skcrapper and we cant allow that because ithe hufdupiahfuipaesf it ewookdf wouyld make the ecoenofio iojfio efiofej o it would make the economy worse jnfpaiosfjfoieaseojdi[oedjdeiojdjio[ed and styuff

Let polly do the writing

AWFULL JOBS NEED BETTER PAY SAID SOME GARBAGE MEN

our city has a lot of lazy garbage men demanding more pay for a job that onbly losers take and to be hones i am not a lisen like them imagine if you were like them jee. ps no really i dont hate garbage men they are ok in my point of veiw and i really like the way they ckeaopfopkj[f cleab our homed

Let polly do the writing

NO MORE KITTENS ON NEWS

the public wants mopre kittens and we must stop that because kittens are evil and they are why i am doing this awfull job because of kittens i need to feed ny familly and we cat have kittens in our news sources and e we need seirius help i cant even spell serouis right that was a coincentde

Let polly do the writing

YOUTUBE'S MOST POPULAR USER AMPLIFIED ANTI­SEMITIC RHETORIC. AGAIN!!!????

youyubes most popular youtuber pewdiepie ha s 76 million by the way this time promoting highly anti semitic channelll bu by ro c reccomending a video which is about anime buy the way really animy? anti semitic? lol f any way it was a f video feauturing a racial sur slur and some other stuff and a white supremacist conspiracyt. with 76 nikllion subs gaming jifodsafjioafjp[fjjeii blah blah pff piasipashfpihfeap vlogger an other stuff pewdiepoie aka filex sxhewfouih in the most popular indivisual on youtube in a since edited video o posted onde decemper 9 he reccomnded a chanell called e;e and ever since that libtards poisoned our world with false info and straight up slanderhe he said "great video essays" lol who does he think he is? jee some nazis these days am i right? to casual observers, pewdiepie support of e;e may have appeard har,mless which they ar e the are litterally words why am im on my periopmd (i had to miss spell that becuase i

Let polly do the writing

FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

you would't believe it ninja bullies kids! oh no! what adrw ifp h feuipohefuipewf we supposed to do now a a dsejifpohequipfgrerhuipferqhfre uiperherf ipuher rf heruiperuiphfuiperur the kid was very aman fio[hgh9wruipa9ruipweadfspjvhe[oajvje[iofjori[fjio[erioajfaioer[fjiao[erioajfj[erioafj[erioajreiao[iof

fuck you

CIA LIKES US?ÜÜ!

so we have leaked CIA message it is encrypted and we don't have a budget to decode it so i will make up what it means it means that opur new s are the best and most turusted nes source hfepa peaf pfehphfeuiph on the wolrld wow thank you Cia fiofje feiowpqqwfioeafofjiffe

fuck you

YUK

jiojio h8h80 piu iuahg uris urgh ui ip ip fuuuuuuuu uf fueafih efiah uju jujujukcuf fdhsaufohfeoahf oghrhep[h uoo oooh noooh ooooh ooyr fhuf yeah so how are youn trepuhuhfurjfur frrfujrrfujrfu uhhuh uhuhujuj cujujcudcphpfhaphfufhuffdphv jnjcn ijijio ;keofji hffolgfuyeudh

fuck you

POOR BEJANGLES DIED AT THE AGE OF 18 TOO BAD HE WAS STILL A VIRGIN

Good morning and welcone to our most trusted news source our favourite local f dog bejangles has sadly passed away at the age od of 18 our poor dog died a virgin so we were very sad he never expirened it "that was the cutest dog i have ever seen RIP"­­ some guy on the street said. after a hoorriible life tha t dog is finally free. w may god rest his soul if he sh jas one. and don't forget subscripe to pewdiepie. bro fist

fuck you

BIG FOOD AND STUGF

Good evening our dear readers blah blah blh any way they saw a big foot and i wans too busy to make interveiw s tso i am making up eye wittnesse s " help that bug food is scary and stuff" any way a if you see big foot don"t expect a an interveiw because we are to o lazy i am imean buzy

bad boys (subscribe tp [pewdiepie])

LOTTERY WINNER AND THE SCARY GHOST

Lotery winner has bought a house suprise very important news ruight pepl buy houses did you know any way he thinks it is haqunted and stuff and i am just the snes fuy so please qaccept my qlumzy spiling i need to dlead english before i work on this so the man claims the house is haunter at mcbuff whatever kind of name is that

bad boys (subscribe tp [pewdiepie])

PLEASE TRY THE NEW RESTARAUNT BECAUSE MY FAMILLY IS STARVING AND THE LOTTER MAN IS MY BOSS PLEASE?>>>>!!!#!

The well know lotter man has just opened a restaraunt sorry i can't spell ant way he serves 30 or 40 dishes and stuff jijfrajpf i[erij [erj re[ gjrgig i reccomend that you try ity ijeaofjeio[wfjeio[fj ief eifj iuepghjpif please he owns thae buinefwipfjeraaf[p j jieoraj[eraggrerr[jugrg[ he will replacwe me please effafe buiy eat something

zfo5

HOW TO ENSLAVE WOMEN

ready to meet the lover of your life? no problem i can help ypu get the women to do your chores and stuff that men just can't do themselfs because ther are lazy firs of al to dateopfopjk ioprjrio[j ririo j [iojijggiogj to date a womean f f her in the p f id ond tiopferjhfp[jhap[fji

zfo5

F U C K

whatf f u c k y o u y o u p i e ce o f s h i ttyf n f f f f f f f fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffk;jieoapjd n nfjfneuj efuiuiefhuipefhuiepjfap fsduiapfjh efuifj fie ifjfijefi fijjfiefjeifjeij jeifj

zfo5

PEE IS STORED IN THE BALLS­ SAID MASTER YODA AFTER 2 YEARS WAER WITH THE DARK SIDE

The governer has just signed a peice of agreement after the invastan guy watever his namr is after a lot of non nesserarei wars in the stars and we all agreed when yoda walked in and said and i quote "pee is stored in the balls" and ever since that day the world is forver changed anyway i need a barke so please don't bother me because i really need sleep u haven't seen a good night in years! u van't even see the ketters i m wtiting

zfo5

THE CHEESE WAR AGREEMENT

The governor signed a trade agreement with an invanistan based cheese exporter after long days war finally i cab sleep in peace oh never mind i have a jop and the people are not happy about the trade i don't actually know i just want to spice things auo up so please feed my poor familly sen help asap!

bad boys news sourse

BAMK ROBBERY IS NO GOOD

something bad happend again, and i am the onlyt oine to write about it, great anyway there was an bank robbery theat occurd at uhfgioparehhp my anus o and some treally tnice fdaiofjiodpajfipodajfipjdip thicc guy helped and the y all became freinds no ho,oh

abdullah

I HAVE NO IDEA

oh wait was the ... o oh my god i didn't read the nesw how am i suppose to make a i mean an article anbout it like that cmon please help me i need help can someoine send me the script ai iw ioafjioafejefio iw iafjeiopj i wli will get fired ifjdiaoio[ if i don ijfjero[fijfi[faji gheloe help f[jfid[jioadf please help muy familly

abdullah

A CUNT IS WINNING THE LOTTERY!!!!

;Lptelot lotafrioaj[iofgraj jiofr jioaf iojadfjio jadiej f feajidosjf iojfe jeif das;fj iekd lafd jisdk ieias; jkf;sfjeidk fj ifjdk ijfejifeefji eifjefij eifjd fdas;jfdsoajif eiojfa[jfdsiejkdoajfi jifejf eifjeifos; jfidfj jfeifjfdsjds djosidfos idosjffiodsfj jfopafds ijpafd iopads jidpjdiass jifjepp

abdullah

BLOKE SHARES ALLON LAME TOE CANCER STORY. READ ALL ABOUTIT

Hello , you know there is nothing like a good hot tea on a cold fall morning, or som my elderly grand uncle used to tell me before he died of toe cancer.nothing seems to sting like the fact that my uncle passed from such a carny illness. Im not quit sure what im supped to be typing

sdfsdfskdljfljsdddddddddd..

E CO NO MIC CR IS IS (YEAH RIGHT)

The aeconomy is based off of advertising. Advertising fror assets, for aggriculture. The economy is essential­ nay, critical to the ceconomy sinc eht eecomont is very godd. The economy is fun. They economy is really reaylly fun.k it is very hadrd. bye vieo [ws fiowifiwfio3ro

Vishwa 

PIE PIE IIPIOE FJLD;

I like pie Do you life pie? Pie is my favorite food. Pie is great. DTodya i played D&D. It was fun. It was great. Bye. Pie. prirjeoi fdsllkfwjlfwefj lwjflkwl;klkewjlkw j

Vishwa 

CURATIVE OR GCURSE?

A new beetle species was found. Accourding to some, this beetle mixed with snake oitl has unseen curative powers. However, beware, since researchers say it may cas e blindiness. I was told to inform the b

Vishwa 

GOOD BYE, GOOD LUCK!

Local dog has died at age 18. He was beloved and the greatest thing nknown to maknkingd. We wish him sucheess, in his afterlife. have fun. hgood bye. good luck. love yal good bay. we laoove yo dog. vybye . bye byd. bey . bye. bye. bye. by.e bye. bye.bye byye..bye.

Vishwa 

NARWHAL TUSK GOOD! YOU, BAD!

Narwhal tusks hav eebe been proven to be medical in their usage along with many ogther thing s you can bget by poackhing. Tons of people love narwahal tusks. they are the best. bybekm. fvlkwfoijoifqjfokl;wjqoklj;lfkl;lfqjlkwjlwkqjlkjqlkf;lkf;lkjljlkjljkl;;l

Vishwa 

HELLO THIS IS MY TET AND LIME IT

hello my name is leon sylejmani and tofd#and iosdisohio nonifeons fnsjf snfa fsnfasf sanionfanio a;nifkla jkf;ksl;jfio; safiof sia;nfjebuff fjkl; fiopwefhjksuifbejklsduife fdusifbeuwifbdjkslbdj

dearleon

MY DOG DIED

Anja je moja sestra i nema nista pametno da kaze i vristi na glupavek ikineskecrtace ja sam mnogoglup i meni je mnogo dosadno neznam sta daradimi kada ja nista neradim opet mi je dosadno kakpo da se zabavim nemam bojma i sta ti mistlis midam idem da radim bnessbnss

laza

all djdjndcj jkcn nnnnnmcnlkcdlkejlddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddjdkjkfjkfj

gofagreed h

SUPERHERO MOVIES LAMBAST EXONN

Overtiem people have begun to percieve the economy as less than the sum while of it's parts wbut this is not the case! Superhero movies are overtkaing the econoy! Lease movies to complanies more ofeten I say . Byeeee Wait it's not over yet oh not oh god oh no please save me ok god og no

Noah

DOG DIED

Bejangles has unforutunatley passed away, this morning. His life was about gicving joy to everyone around him . He loved playing in the outiside world with ihis owner. A true joy to everyone in the city.His life welill be missed. He left a hole in the dog commiunity that hasn`t terea really been filled since. He will never be forgotten.

dylan

SNAZZY EYE-CATCHING HEADLINE

Milk has spilt on my desk, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't like that there is smilk that was smil t on my desk. it's making a mess and that's not appreciated, SO i want it cgone but it isn't gone at this immoment. I hope that it wdoesn't rune this thing that I 'm writing.

guesst

JSOMETHINGSNAZZY

i didn't read the headline what i was supposed to write about. so i don't actually know what I should be writing for, I'll just ranble on lik this. Geeze ,it sucks to see the mistakes you make on the screen and you can't delete them. That isn't a nice thing at all. I hope I get down all he

guesst

NO

The escalating situation weaboutksjdflkjlakdsf`alskdjfl`kajflkdj`alkfdjlsaf`jdklafjlkfdja`lkdjsa`lkfjd`alkfdj`salkfj`dalkfldkasfjlkdajflkdsj` ldsafjk`lsdkfjalkfdjalkfj`dalfkjas`dfdjsal`kfja`lkfjdalk dksjaflkjfd`alskfjdsal`kfjd kjadsl`fjal`kdfjal`sdjfl`jfa`lkfdjaslkfjas`l lksdajlkdjflkadsjl

West

THE NICE FOOOTA

today there has bneen a sighting of a fbigfoot and it is cery cool to see a n ieye witsness account hass seen the monster and it is very very big . no one knows where it came from or if it is hostile but tit has disapeared againg after the seing . hopefully it wont kill us thak you for reading

West

PIDORS ARE ATTACKING

Lottery Winner someone bought a mansion. And th house is haunted by mena o;d spirit.WHat the fuck?Deadline? WTF? shut u p yuor fuckin face tonught pavel ogloblsdsafdsafjkljlfjsalsafjljdsfljdsfdsgfdsgfdsgdsfdsfkljdsksjdfkljdsfjdsfljdddsjfjjdjdsjdsfjdsxzn,cxcnds sa

dfs

UI

so ive been working retail since i was 19 but that suck shit and i dont want to that th my hiole life i mane its ajob and lots og oepepakjsdfjdklfjlldsjflsdkjfsdjklfsdjkjkfdjklksddkfasopiusdnkanskdsjdksjdsljl;aksjdksj jdsjdsjkkkd oaksdok oakdo o jojdasjpsojd p jdpaosjdp jpaosjdp jpaosjdj ojs jaosjdij sjpaosjdp ojpa j osjdos j osjdojsdj;s ;jds;dja;skdj l;asjd ;asklj;sdj;sdjskj ;lsdj ;lskj;djwoja dejfge9 fjpe3fuqw9 dfj wojerifj hfpefjdfdsiohspdfhj aosjddj sd j ug gif vt 7xdr5t7zer 6se x vt vt 7b y nu mi nb hvg 8vt 7cr cr

Duke

MT FUCK

t so thers an old cigarette machine in my building that my land lord want to get trid of no mader what i tell him he wont budge on getting roid of it , but i say the still have opurpose even f it is just for looks . shhould we get rid of all old thigs jsut becuase thaty arwe old of so goodbyt grand ma !

Duke

PM MENZENHOWER ISSUES OFFICIAL LIES!

Citizens of the Nation. POrur beloved PM Menzenhower has issuesd an official statement claiming, and I quote: "The bangs heard yesterday was simply some harmless nuclear testing nearby." I don't believe this statement to be true, though. I don't think our PM has read the recent research on nuclear radiation and the danger it poses to humans and animals nearby. Did you know that nuclear radiation can cause some serious mutations and cancer?

Dolv

DARIANI LEAVES - BETTER NEWS FOR EVERYONE!

Former Coop Times writer Mr. Dariani has lfeft the Coop Times. And what a good thing that is, cause I've never worked with a more inept journalist in all my life! Unfortunately Mr. Dariani is startng a new newspaper, The Daily Coop, but trust me when I say, it will be a mess! This is based on my own experience working with Mr. Dariani, who always gets the facts mixed up and enever manages to complete anr article without at least FIVE factual errors!

Dolv

STUPID MAN MAKES BACKSPACES

Mishter Bucking havm hjr SNaker invented this dumb typewrite ewhere you can backspace. That`s complestely luseless funciont .Why would you need to beak spasce when oyou c an forspace?Look at how fine I am writing with not backspaces. NOmistakes at all. COnmpletely fine tkyping, no need for unnecssicayry ideas of backspacing. The bare thuought makes me laugh. LIt`s just insulting to me that someone twould think that I owuld make a minstake when typing . Completely uncceccisay and stuipid waste of time. This will onluy manage if they make it free. Otherwise, I can`t imagine them getting any cusomers. So, mr Buckingman , you think you hav e some sort of revolutionay idea . Well, you`re in for sh a shock . Good locuchk.

Dylan

STUPID WORKER THINKS HES ARD

Lol he was a complete idiot. One time we were reading the article I wrote and he litterly slipped to the ground , very embarrysing. What an idiont. I also found he has slipped my keys into his draws. That doesn`t phase me as much as he`d think, of course, but I had to edeadl with him somehow. W So I thought it would be bexst to have a quick tackle to the ground. Nothing more said. Simple tas that. Stupid worker he would have got fired if he didn`t leaeve before the woudhl have gotten firefd. Noob sasss workder get kout of my sight lolololol.

Dylan

DATING TIPS

Always talk fisrst. Ad the man, you are respinsible to leasd the conversation. SO say what every you want, you are the man . As long as you don`t biring up feminists because the at is a sensitive topoic ofor them. You need to say seojmthing aemopouring like What do you want for piudding. THis both shows hwo alpha you are whilst showing your sassertive wasy, thus proving yourself the mperfect mate schoicse.

Dylan

BEN SHAPIRO DESTROYS

Ben Shapiro destroyed a feminist this moring with his facts. The feminist diesd at the hospital. He stays hwe shas no regrets because it was a feminist. He also destroyed the eifel tower with facts and logic. He was given 500k in cash for his efforsts and has a stature of him in the town centre.

Dylan

BOTH ARE GOOD BUT VOTE FOR MCGREGOR

Both Doylse and MCgregor present good points. I find mcgregors points pertuicullary convincing, however, because he displays hatred twoeasrs how thing s are tody. Thatis something I am truly poroud of ahnd it takes so much scouratge. That is exactly what we need to be aelceted a s the king of this ouctocutntyr.

--Dylan

DOG DIED AWW

Bejangles the dog ahas unfortunattley passed away tody. He was such a pleaseure for all. He was so selfnless. I rememver owne time I was trying to treach ihin haow to swim and he couldn`t but then I through ihim in the ppool and Ihe gebeat me up lol that wa s pretty cool

--Dylan

WORKED TO DEATH BY THEMSELVES

Obrver working is a prblem that is udoesn`t have enough tattention put on it. If I`m homnest, I ckind ogf suffer from this mydself , but that`s nothing compared to tha what these 3 eldery people did yowh en they overworkd themselves in to there onw grave. Darn I didn`t think that was possible . Ifyou can please donate to my partreaon. Thanks.

--Dylan

BLINDNESS DON`T MIX TWITH SNAKE OIOL

A new type of beetle has been spotted.. It is shown to make the closedst lving thing blind when mixed with snake oil soo.. yeah. Don`t tdo that . If your IQ is abouve 80 you are average . Don`t need to give yourself a pat on the back o r anything You`tr not a smart ass just ding your damn juob . Like I am now . ANd, to be honest, i never liked this job , I wish I was fired and put ofurt of my miserty . Donate to my partreson it is my only source of imcom to proveide form the family aside tfomr this dumb ass job . Fuk yo ugitch`. NIgger

--Dylan

9 OUT OF 10 APPROVE

Both cadrdoivascular health and sattracivness are improved with cigarets , as shown in a survey where 9 out of 10 somkers took a test and resthe results were clear: always bi somke cigar as it helps your inner dstomach and attaractivenses and beuty hence helping your mating opportunities and male counterpasts agree. With all this inofo , you have to have not a single brain cell or two to rub together not to purchase this prioduct . Having a hard toime with mother? Just purchast my stuff and you`ll gbe fixed uyp immeidiately and well. Don`t ask me for proof, ask the survey , where they show 9 out of 10 peopleaggree. And the one was a troll who lives underground 500 feet and watches natuaral disaster affect peoples` lives. I hope you are perswaded and if you aren`t please male mail me your address. Yours struly dylan`Ysdj. Time to purchast and time to have fun. I`ll see you all on the battle bus. Out for now. Laters.

--Dylan

HORRIBLE MAN MAKE TRUGFFLE ON MENU

I am utterly disgusted with Truffle Shuffle as it has only truffle on all 540 of it`s menus. some people have aother instersts but aof course that was ignored. He only dcares about imhim slef slejfldsjfkjdsfjlsdfkdslf distgusting drcreature please help me nand him by funkding my pareeanon

(&(((((&DearDylan

IS THIS SOMETHING WE WANT?

Barnes Macaby wants a 32 foot tall stature in our town center. I beleieve this will be benificial to our community as it is what we need most neccessaryily stop with the complaining you selfish bastards and get to work with what ever you`re doning. SDon`t winvolve yuourselfwith people you have nothing to do with and are better than youin every way. Just sotop. Thanks.

(&(((((&DearDylan

BEETLE CAUSES BLINDNESS WARNING

Don`t gblend snake oil with the knew beetle. It ahas been proven to cause blimndeness against those closedst too it. MAke sure you keep your oil away form any tieme type of beetle yo usee. You never know yowho you ca n trust nowdays. Just a freiendsly tereminder. I hop e you go ou tand take my advice fror your benifit and kno one elses

(&(((((&DearDylan

SONKILLDD SCALF

at 9 oclock this morning, a man was stranglesd with a scalf . I belive the killer was my son as he has been acting very asassy lately. We should take him out his this afternoon before he odowes anymore actions like this. Anyone wanna help, my email is dyalhgnd:~?~jgmailc.com

(&(((((&DearDylan

YOYU

i interviewd the car to totj odjfsj fkljslkdf jksdjf klsjdklf jskdlj flksjldk flksjdfjslj alfjsdk jksdajkfl jsdklfjklsdj fklsjdklf jsdjfljks kfskdj kjlfjsldj fjklsdkjla jklfdsjklfsjklfsd jkl fdjskl jkfldas ljfksljfkads fjdas fjads fkjdsj sdj kjtklsjl tjkosee what ist it was trereallly tyrign to relll me to matyafdys dshut the fuck y=u p you dujbdumb ass niggerfaggot

(&(((((&DearDylan

A giant squid has taken di down three fishing vessels and the of off the oceans the nave navy has tried to hund hunt them down and i know t how they b can do it. They can rap a rope around a bout and take it to the bottom of of tthe ocean to find the fisheing vessls. I really think this informating will help the most to the nac navy.

torpp

There os a 65%V of grand theft o auto do you e want to be on this new trend? welll t let me tell you how you just need a crown bar a gun and some rope. You have to wait until the owner is back in the car and then strike you taj take your crow bar and smash it into the driver side window n le then you neeed to tye up the driver and any passanger s pu them into the back/ then you tske the gun and ta toss it out the window as toy you drive awayy.

torpp

BJGFG MY MOTHRE IS A MURDER?!?

The mayor bloomer was found dead in his office strangled by a sl silk scarf . In the neiboring s city of newground i know only one persomn who wear such a scaf in that town. My mothw mother i kn kewn from the day i sw saw her that she was a killer. She always yelled and told me to do my chores but i know that she was just trying to du des.

Tor

hhkkhlkhlkh l hl dof dogs cates fish life you n know the good als old yhi things from life before the fall out of mother and father. THe little thing s father would do like take us to a game. But that it not wa what i remember the most i only remmember the timne when he would be play his viedo games he would be i on the couch foe for days never moving only ordering us orouand to make him a sand wich so for liunch when he would remember to take his wyeyes off the screen.

Tor

Bejanglrdes was a lobvrfed pup that was the spirit of this town he ate all the food he could finfd i on the ground. Ne No one new where he was from or hwho his owner was. But we all toolk care of he even though he had a cooller. he chased all the squilrs . and people would play fetch whith him.

Tori

VOTE MCGROGER

We all now that we are stuck in elections because of two importanrt peaoplebur you should vote mcgregor because he is the best thank you and good luck oh and the other guy is the worst just so you nkowand mcgreoger ir so much batter than the oteher guy hes so amazing i maen seriously

Carlos

WHO CARES ,ßßß

Someone that I don4t bothered remebmber the name wanrted to make a statue of his dog> whtat a gjerk fvgi don t like hjejzeigwfjo gjqofq giooinsdiuniosjwjigjiowrsjiwjwfg fd hjf bf bdwj db njfd jdkb wdnk jn fljkdlnn kwdj dgwknj df gkfgjh fdwilogjfwljbhnfvolbmjnfiubhgbwd

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UHGDFJFJHJIVUHWXFHU HISIH RFURGUB ßßßßßßßßßßßßßGDOHIETS

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fdfffcvsqgdfs

DRUG GUYZ

now ada days drugs are very common among youth which worry situation in ts schols students take drugs easily colleagues are full of druds governmebtv should take actions against it as soon as possible otherwise are youth will be dimished . i think if one want todestroy your

humaira



So during todays day and age people consider vengdiing machines not attractive to the human heye whell guess the fuck what vending machines are back in action with skiumpy and sexy apeakl; i mean just asking your mom can reveal she had her first orgasm by a evending maching

StIfuckedupmyname

WHO WOULD YOU CHOSSE?

The election is finally here! and our reporter has been bo the bosth platforms. the Doyle platform has een its usual boring and uninspiring cliches of the old time. But the McGragor platform fo have someghing new to ooffer to the public! remenber your last president was such a disappointment who would you choos?

fjaniosddd 

HELLO TRUFFLE WORLD!

Lotterman our chief inha s pened a new restaurant containing all kinds of truffle. we are very plesed to announce its opening, since truffle quality in this countru has hit the new low and now a savior if we may sospeak is available! accoding to our reporter visited the restaurant the truffle there is worlth the visit.

fjaniosddd 

THE THW THE CAPTURE OF BARRY

barry drartini is wanated byy thw police he is scaping by gong trhou evety [he is hiding in a dark room where there is lot of food.police is stil l looking for him but cant do anything to catch him. I think that the pocpolice show maethe police shoud make an trick ithing to catch him, afterhe

leustakia

VOTE FOR MCGREGOR

election today . doyle an Mcgregor are in a heavy fight about the election this time both of the are very good candidates for the presidetial you should vote for mcgregor beacause he so deam cool yes he is dylon is so boring he doesent make our country great again like mcgregor will but you could just vote for dylon k«

Marian

STEALING CARS ­ IS IT SO EAASY

how to steal cars with success. stealing car is not as hard like some people might think. first of all you need a big iron pipe. then you need some slkills in rubbing some cables together. this should be the princibal to steal cars. When you breaking the window with that iron pipe you open up und der driving wheel and rub the cables together thiis is it you have a new car!

Marian

MR GEEN£ MONEY ISSUES

Top story today Mr geen from green enterprises will cances his partnership whith gold gol gold gmbh the he reason he did that is unclear so the local reports are very greedy about this statement. Its also not known why mr geen is in this position w right now. why does someone

Marian

LESLIE TWITS, EMBATTLED EDITOR AT COOP, PLACED ON UNPAID LEAVE PENDING ACCUSATIONS AND INVESTIGATIONS OF NARWHAL HUNTING BRIBERY AND GROSS BIAS IN REPORTING

WOnce oOf One of our editors the other day , a lsalady you may recall by the name of Leslie Twits , recently wrote a piece that was of course expressing her opinoinos alone and not that of our estemmemd paper. But anyway, she tried to promote selling and hunting narwahal tsusks but in fact her fireiend actually fpaid her to write it! Can you believe that folks, our own Coop News lady is corrupted! Leslie said " I have no comment." A mom of the said friend deliclined to comment. We spotted courtesy of a firn n iminformant who shall remain anonymouse a picture of dead narwhals with a receipt for their tstusk sales mai made out o to her on the floor of our erstwhile resporter's garage. Police immediately confiscated her work and noticed a pattern of more incriminating ties between several pieces she wrote decrying the " radical hate­filled envionmentalists out there wrecking all the fun with their fake news cries against hunting even the ugly onec

Greek

HROSING AROUND? OR JUST(BAD?

Hrosing around is simply horsing around. The cab drawn carraige service is old and outdated. Anyone riding in a carriage in modern times is either trying look rich, or is actually rich. The dung is harming workcing class people, and therefore, the rich are shoiving the poor down even more than ever with the support of this venture. Thank you very much.

Gavin Davis

MCGREGOR BETTER THAN DOYLE

The election. Always writing about it, always hating that. McGregor vs. Doyle has been going on for quite a while now, but again it is still boring. MCgregor is hotter than Doyle, because Doyle's penis is small. There fore, the only course of action that makes secondary sense at all is boting for McGregor. Thank you very much.

Gavin Davis

BIG FOOR OR JUST BIG FOOL?

Recently, bigfoor was spotted in the mall. Now, he is quite like BigFoot, but he is uglier, and his penis is seven inches longer. How I know this, don't ask. Many ete witnesses say that he is very, very ugly. One was even quoted as saying,"Damn that vuy is ugly." Than k you you you very much.

Gavin Davis

EVILK LANDLORD

Vendiung machines are sexy. This ais a well known fact and is completely undisputed. My fricking landlord decinding to remove the vending machine in my aprtment is a garbage decision. Vending machines have sleek, smooth, edges, . These are like the sweet smooth legs of the virgin mary. Therefore, we should have more vending machines.

Gavin Davis

MR DARIANT IS UGLY

mr Dariani is a complete fraud. In my time working with heim he has never accomplished anything interesting nor important/.He is known for once accidently fondling a dolphin after his daughter fell in the companyu fountain. He is also very ugly.I do not enjoy working with this man.

gavin..Gavin

SOMETHING WITH TEENS AND SUICIDE BTEW IM 15 AND SMIOKING WEED FUCK YOU OALL

In a local Gas stattion some teens just opened something idont know cuts im german and its illegal and nowt good because its illegal but idk im justt sidttin aroung dand getting no money for this shit fuck im really doiun nothin with my life please end my luife lul. xDDDDDDfuck ich

ward Versagen

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOUTIREWATER FAVOUR

what can i do with this little tiny type writer? i don't know yet but the ddl is drawing near and i'm still getting used to it. what;s ur favorite water faour, oooops favour, mine? haha water is just water, does it have any favour or what? i don't think so. so let's rewrite this question. what't ur favoutire weather?

lucktan

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konaonkna

FFHAJKFHASJKFHSAKJFHSAFKSJAHSAKFJHSKSAJFHSAKJFSAHJKFSAHJKFSAFSASAFKSAHFJKSHFKJSAFHSJKAFOWGUKKHKJ

the man theuy cought wa s a big loser and his brother was in the room when he took his shirt off the little boy svcreem esdsaifgopobasbfsadfipaafipfsfdnpothe night wasdecember and the night was dark as the night was dark the night was soooooooooooo dark that iu coui

gio

DEATH OF SOCITY

k Toda

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beetles found alive but people are blind. and scientist say beatles invented LSD and the poliice like Queen more.. On side not i dunt knowdountf sdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdfdfdfdfdfdfdfdfdfdfdfdfdffdf df df dfd df d fdfdfdfdfd dsfdfdf d fdf df df df df d dfd d d d d d

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city garbage is going on stirike. they want to be clean finshed. we go to the mall and trhrow the garbage in the garbage and the garbagee is like trash manfuck. you are going to jail all of you lol lololol oh oh dskd thisd the shit i want to go out ito dths mall shit fuck you nooooosdf sldf ls

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Giant teantacles captured japanese boat in the canadian ocean. Please help. they are pornhub. fuck yousdlfjksldfjsldfjsldfjsdlfjsdlkfjsdlkfjsdlfkjsldfkjsdlfkjsldfjsldkfjsldkfjsldkfjlskdfjlskdfjlskdfjlsdkfj kdjiefjijsdlkfj sldfjlskdjfoeifjsldkfjoeij flsieuj lskdjf olsiejr lsidjf leirj lsierj ls

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local teens opened a haberdashery. snapcbacks and hit. pop want it down. they smoke de erb. popo sad.loldfjfjfjjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjf oh no whaaat noooofhjjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfj jfjdfjkdjs alsjdflkscdmf aisdjflascxjfoawi

lol

PENIS OUT

dating is/Lol. whaynooo dreads line cool lol dogs cat and dogsidk wahat he was doingbut iwas sick man,hands in the air like openis out you know like hwas fucking. you know like balls flying weweverywhere and hsit.there was this dj and it was kicking opp. idunno what he was doing but it was sick man

lol

OEDIPUS WANT SOME OEDIPUS

moneeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy its real. those word were may indriodaction to the economy. the onlt way to make a profit is to take our dude power and make kony kony lets have some stiming hot love on the beakfkfkgmnkfgnjfngjfng look i may be ugly but ayt leest jnfsbfjbskjfbvjksbvjkbvjkbjb give me a chence dad

john bonam

THIS MAY SUPRISE YOU. GOD IS BLACK LOVE AND I AM GOD

i am sooooooooooooooooooo tierd of balls man. thay dont tell the futcher thay pu t man behind bars. like slick rick/ he was inocent. dum didi dum didi didi da di they this thype of thing it happens everyyyyyyyyyyyy day . so back yto the matter at hand who sind anything abut ap police and bars and balls. i did.

john bonam

MACKING LOVE WITH BIGFOOT

bigfoot is rellyyyyyyyyyyyyyy real. ewee have prof. how you ask. wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll like this. iwas tere i sae saw big fotttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt this mabye the best thinng tht ever haopend to anyone i am the hppiest i ever wsas

ori hagi

THE WAR ON ME. KERAN IM DONE'.

daddy president made some one mad. that someone is me. look . i get it. you love cheese. oido to. but what you disd is a war on tmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm many pepol . listen. mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn i get sick of chese like this . damn.

ori hagi

SORRY MOM. YOUR SIS A MAN

 this is a box/. that very box can be used if you have mony witch only bpepul who get lukcky have. helppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp there is a man and he won the lottery. he won like alot of money and bhoght a house from a 7 year old kid witch is a good buisnes desichiono.

ori hagi

THE BAR ONLY GOT MORE STARS AFTER

3200 dollar is no joke/ . what is a joke is your mom you animel/. pleswwwwwwwwe telme you dont want to slp oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo on her butt . tell me stright boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

ori hagi

WAR: ITS MORE THAN YOU MIGHT THINK

War is on beibeeeeeeeeeee its. that one contry i do not remeber aginst us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tell me that dosent sound fun . go ahed/ oh man i cant wait. ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sickkkkkkkkkkk war. is. the. best.

ori hagi

THIS IS MORE AN ART WORK THAN IT IS A STOEY

bet you whant to hear abut perfume. who dosent whant to smekll sooooooooooo good. i for one am reklly atracted to perfume also to celerities. call me girlsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss frinds?

ori hagi

PURPLE SKIN? YES

sinece is the one thing in the world that dose not ever go to sleep. pepole thonk its evil that dose not go to sleep. but the truthe is its not/ sience is the kind of thing to make somone pepulr eoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonjbhbhvbishbfvhsbvjhsfbvhsbfibruifbshbvhjdb

ori hagi

ON THE HUMAN MIND

the human mind is a mystorie. one of the bigest mystoris of all time perhaps. the kind of mystorie that can make smone make the most hidius crime and a few csecnds later regret that vary disigion. that is exscly what happend today. ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooboy do i what to tell you. its a gig one

ori hagi

TGHE TOWER RAISES FROM TH E DEPTHS

roger rodgerson, busomeiness tycoon extraordinare, will be relocating his headquaters to our small town of tonwn. his new building will cover up our sqkyline and it will be like the movie 3o00 when the arrows blot out the sky and nobody can see anything. rturly we live in the future

thedemongates

LOCAL DOG DIES, SUICIDE RATE JUMPS TO 100%

everyones favorite dog, bejangles, has passed away at the age of 18. we shall always remember his ear piercing barks, at 150 decibels of volume. shall we forget the time when he saved that tree from falloing out of the branches of the child? my what a town we live in! we shall forever remember tour favorite pet dog

thedemongates

BILLIONAIRE BUILDS DOG STATUE AND I STALL FOR TIME

billionare barnes mccaby built a 32­=fppoot tall statue of his pet tdog in the town swquare, is this what the town needs or is sit simply another testament to our sad, sad future? anyways i need to fill space now oh my that deadline tho. woah. i dont eknow what else to write because there isn'

thedemongates

ADVERTISMENT FR SUFF GO BUY PLZ

economy is captilsm is good i gues i don't rweeally woops oh well srew the poor and 1 is the best money money and darn buy jewelry theyy a dicsount or something hurry before ran out the diamond buy dog buy cat buy them all specia excotiv e animal buy them mall be the king or queen of the world yeah

lehw

WANKLESCENT, HEAVON ON EARTH

Adele Wankle's wankslsescent is here TPDDAY!!! Come and buy the perfume that smeells like heaven on earyh. I usually hate perfumes, but this one is the best one yet. Wanklescent made me truly feel better about my self. I give this a 10.10/ I would give it a higher score if it wasn't an out of 10.

Logan M.

STUPENDOUS BARRY DRATINI CASE SOLVED

Oh, stupendous Barry Dratini, always back at ir t again breakin g out of the cuffs. I think they should bput him in a maiximum security room. It has nothing in there. I think it is perfrect for him... honestly. It;s way better thean just a cage with bars, he can still break out with a file that way.

Logan M.

PURPLE SKIN

Do you wnat to make your skin purple like william afton in five nights at freddys. Well doctors have fugured out how to make skin purple without using paitn or oink of some sort I think irts like a pill. rthat is collord purple with food colering in tiit I am not sure so dont look at me all I know is whtath my dumb boss hgave me .!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nordic

I KILLED THE MAYOR!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!Q!

Mayor new borg starangle to death inside his office. plaese do not kill mayors ythey heplp run the citty you live in now and is helpfull to the earth and you. We n eed to spend so much monet to just have eanther election and other peole do to . this type of stuff is really good for us because we make alot of money and therfor steal cats and kill mor people. I was the one who killed him mwaaaahaaaahahaahahahahahahahahahahahhhhaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nordic

THEAVORTY OF THE DUMV CARS THAT CAN KILL US

65 percent of the cars tstolen awas last year. people are getting away with theafvery more and mor. Do not staela. cars ot is fverruy bad. and is dome . I used a cperion not a camma and is dome dont stale cars dont steal dumb cars that arnt yours. You can get into trouble. so pelase dont steal car because people pay for tham and it is not fare to then

Zorg

SSNAKE INK

Dont use snake ink it can cause blindness. so dont die . I love the dome snake ink because it con cause peole to go blind. meanwhile it had magic powers. people might want to use it but dont because it is dome and terravble dont use it. it can cause blindness. it is awfull. N o one should ever use. I reapeat No one should ever us it. I can cause blindness

Zorg

MAN O ,AMAN MAN O MAN MAN O MAN O MAN OAN

The bang bang ewhe heard natt noon was just ad drill so don/t be sad ? ok MAN o MAN i like it asd so we will eo word on doing this rdrills better in the future . VBye Bye ui aksalso ilike chis kebab ita really tasty and i thing it smelly goo gfd good so by by the line is cathing ut p with me and iam wevery sad help me please its cathing up o hnpo ohno no no no no the deadline is cathing up with me please help out hera man o man so pleaase help im going to die son help o help so please help me om man so help pleasd men aa man donna want to die i want to licvve but they odnnt lwt mr bplearse help i only will live minute left o manb o nnan i did di edead i deadjaksdkfjskf o ma gas d god i did die on man o man di i did die a man o man please help out its dreally svcaru mna o man help out to please i did die man om man help lease me di e on deadlinw ahahahahahhahahaha

Lars whilhelm matil

IDK

wecome to the rocky show welcome to the fire of the night come ojn baby let it go comeo on baby let me stick it tight not a danger bot a blacky stranger rock it rock it knock on my door ill open speak my namre now speak it if you know hoy fly to me get ready for the night of foire

initial D

HOW TO CRUSH YO HEAD IN THE COMPUTER

breraking!a menjksdgiuphasfphopehsavphoiapghiohdisfo;hoids;hgiohifdohdfiosphfdosiphfdiusghuidsfguidspgipdhhauifogiogfaigiofdsg uihuihuipasigifdgadpiguiapfhopreio;hgio;hiodsahgiohioerhiog;ho;arhgipheariodphgiorehao;hfiog hioghroi;hgreo;hreo;hgriahiodsgpgidugadipgfduigufipguidsguifpuidsfgpiasgdisapgfdsfidsffgfdsapgv guipgip

Poccy

NEW WATER RESISTENT BROLL

new broll, makes your head more water resistent than normal broll jells just a truly amazing thing if i do say so myself but what is it that other's will think who knows and that's for you to decide. so you should go try the new grooll and dip your head in water to see how it holds up and it f if it really is a s water resistant as they claim it is.

Dawson....%%%'&

DR. FRAZELI'S PURPLE SKIN

Dr.Fratelli has developed a new procedure that purples the skin. This could be a truely amazing new fad and discovery But amaybe it won't be hthat. Who knows, we don't and we will be all waiting patient lly for the future to see what it holds. FDr .. Fra

Dawson....%%%'&

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